Little spoons don't ask big questions
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
