theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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