So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
