I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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