went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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