i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
