Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
