No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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