He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He shit in the fireplace
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
