Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
