So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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