At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
