Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
