someone owes me an orgasm
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
