I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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