How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
