I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
