when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
