roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Your cock deserves a montage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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