If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My feet surprised me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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