So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
