apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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