I need help removing her.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
