somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
