Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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