Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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