So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
