I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
