before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
