i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
