at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
