I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
