i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I currently don't understand fingers.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
