we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
