apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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