i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
