i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
