After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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