We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
