You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
