is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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