belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
