I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
