sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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