i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
