The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
