Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
