just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
