hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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