so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
