Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
