fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
