I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
