Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
