Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you traded sex for a burrito?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
