Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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