Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
