I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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