Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
