When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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