Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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