I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
