Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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