yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
