I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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