he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
