This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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