I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
