Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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