Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
