I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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