One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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