Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need water and some morals
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
