Soap is not a condiment
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
