Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
