is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
