She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
