he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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